SATIRE: Starbucks Sues Adventist Church for Slandering Caffeine

SEATTLE, Washington — Starbucks Coffee Company is suing the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists for what it calls “systematic slander of caffeine.” The company claims that Adventist rhetoric against caffeine has robbed the coffee chain of profits in markets around the world. Starbucks spokesperson Max Gittery said that due to the rapid growth of Adventism, […]