AT Lite
SATIRE: 4,400-Year-Old Tomb Proves Egyptians Hated Carob Too
CAIRO, Egypt — Archaeologists in Egypt have found what they are calling “definitive proof that carob was as disgusting in ancient times as it is now.” The proof was found in a recently discovered 4,400-year-old tomb in the Saqqara pyramid complex near Cairo. The tomb was covered with colorful hieroglyphs warning against carob, saying that […]
SATIRE: Mark of the Beast Guide Sold at ABC Stores for $6.66
SILVER SPRING, Maryland — A discounted guide to the Mark of the Beast has gone on sale at Adventist Book Centers (ABCs) for $6.66. Adventist customers have been warned to get their copy of the guide while there is still time. An ABC statement about the book said that it is light and travels well […]
SATIRE: Pastor’s Husband Sick of Being Judged on Terrible Flower Displays
Local pastor’s husband R. N. Down could not be prouder of his wife and her ministry to their congregation. And while he is trying hard to be supportive, he’s sick and tired of all the judgy members that seem to think it is his (unpaid) job to do everything from potluck and song service coordination […]
SATIRE: Adventist Disfellowshipped for Jumping Church Potluck Line
MAGALIA, California — A member of the Magalia Adventist Church was disfellowshipped at the recommendation of the local church board after he was found jumping the fellowship potluck line last Sabbath. Frank Inskip had allegedly jumped the line with what a church board statement characterized as “casual disregard for well-established potluck protocol right after a […]
SATIRE: Weimar and La Sierra Start Student Exchange Program
CALIFORNIA — Weimar Institute and La Sierra University have started a student exchange program aimed at “introducing Adventist young people to the polar extremes of denominational education.” Exchange students will spend a year attending each other’s schools while learning a new Adventist culture, language, and worldview. “The Adventist world is increasingly diverse, and one way […]
SATIRE: GC Asks Adventists to Stop Drinking Roma as It Sounds “Too Catholic”
SILVER SPRING, Maryland — The General Conference (GC) of Seventh-day Adventists is asking members to stop drinking the coffee substitute Roma, as the product’s name “sounds too Catholic.” Tray Poastuhm, a spokesperson for the GC’s Department of Interfaith Stonewalling, said the name “Roma” clearly betrayed the drink’s roots in papal Rome and should therefore not […]
