AT Lite
SATIRE: GC Recognized as Greenest Organization on Planet for Recycling of Old Ideas
SILVER SPRING, Maryland — In a development not even the most prophetically gifted saw coming, the General Conference (GC) of the Seventh-day Adventist Church has been recognized as a global leader in environmental sustainability. The International Recycling Coalition (IRC) awarded the GC its top honor, the “Golden Bin,” for its commitment to resource conservation. “The […]
SATIRE: Pastor Claims He Is Unequally Yoked to Wife Who Is Quitting Nursing
BERRIEN SPRINGS, Michigan – Local pastor Robert Eyer declared himself to be “unequally yoked” with his wife, Denise, after she revealed plans to leave her nursing career after 15 years to pursue her dream of becoming a real estate agent. Eyer, who has been the lead pastor at the Berrien Springs Overpriced Church for the […]
SATIRE – Pastor Disciplined for Holding Baptismal Candidates Underwater Too Long
Pastor Jeb was known for his long-winded baptismal services at the Dry Gulch Adventist Church. Whenever he baptized someone, Jeb liked to add his own personal flair by delivering an extended benediction while the candidates were submerged in the “water grave.” “Praise be to the Almighty who has called this soul from the depths,” Jeb […]
SATIRE – Adventist Husband Celebrates 24 Hours of Being Right While Wife at Women’s Retreat
Not since his single days has Adventist business owner Chase Lindgren enjoyed such an uninterrupted period of flawless decision making. After his wife took off for her women’s retreat this morning, Lindgren marveled at his ability to prepare a healthy (microwave pizza) lunch, take a well-deserved (and completely necessary) two-hour nap and put off paying […]
SATIRE: Pastor Horrified as Children’s Story Features Jael Tale
It was supposed to be a simple children’s story time at the Piney Woods Adventist Church. But the sweet-as-pie Sister Hubbard had other plans when she took her place on stage. “Hi, boys and girls!” the elderly lady began with her trademark warm smile. “Who’s ready for an exciting Bible adventure today?” The kids eagerly […]
SATIRE: Member Who Brought Actual Chicken to Potluck Suddenly VIP
At Eden Springs Adventist Church’s potluck, local church pianist Kay F Cee’s decision to break the vegetarian tradition by bringing actual chicken won her a lot of friends this Sabbath. As soon as Cee entered the fellowship hall, the usual array of meat substitutes and vegetable dishes was overshadowed by the tantalizing aroma of roast […]
SATIRE – Tourist Adventist Crushed When Asked to Preach Upon Arrival at Church
Bernard “Bernie” Bernacki, a man who meticulously planned his vacations down to the brand of non-dairy yogurt he’d pack, was starting to sweat through the one dress shirt he had bothered to pack. He’d envisioned idyllic days in the Philippine countryside – exploring rice terraces, haggling for hand-woven baskets, and maybe even trying karaoke. Instead, […]