AT Lite
SATIRE: ADRA Launches “Reindeer Retraining Program” for Post-Holiday Employment
SILVER SPRING, Maryland — In a groundbreaking initiative that combines compassion with practicality, the Adventist Development and Relief Agency (ADRA) has announced its new “Reindeer Retraining Program” to help Santa’s hardworking sleigh team transition into meaningful employment after the holiday season. “Every December, these reindeer work tirelessly to deliver joy around the world,” said ADRA […]
SATIRE: Pastor’s Kid Cast as Baby Jesus for 17th Consecutive Year
BERRIEN SPRINGS, Michigan — The annual Christmas nativity play at the Berrien Springs Seventh-day Adventist Church has once again stirred controversy as Pastor Heirloom Parker’s son, 17-year-old Timmy, was cast as Baby Jesus for the 17th consecutive year. The decision, announced during last Sabbath’s potluck, has raised eyebrows and sparked heated debates over haystacks and […]
SATIRE: GC Announces New Department: Ministry of 19th-Century Nostalgia
In a move that has left many Adventists checking their calendars to ensure they haven’t accidentally time-traveled, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists (GC) has announced the creation of a new department: The Ministry of 19th-Century Nostalgia. “We’ve realized that our church’s identity is so deeply rooted in the 1800s that we might as well […]
AT Book Recommendation: Loving You – I Went to Africa by Deanne Hoehn with Jack Hoehn
Loving You—I Went to Africa by Deanne Hoehn (with Jack Hoehn) Published October 16, 2023 Does AFRICA do anything to your pulse? Do you think of safaris with giraffe, lion, zebra, elephants, and monkeys? Are you thinking of explorers in pith helmets? Are you thinking of gold, diamond, and copper mines? Would you […]
SATIRE: Loma Linda Researchers Claim Pumpkin Pie “Technically a Vegetable”
In a groundbreaking announcement that has sent shockwaves through the Adventist health community, Loma Linda University (LLU) researchers have declared that pumpkin pie can now be classified as “technically a vegetable.” This unexpected revelation comes just in time for the Thanksgiving holiday, providing a convenient loophole for health-conscious Adventists looking to indulge guilt-free. Dr. Squash […]
SATIRE: New Church Program: “Adopt-a-Backslider” Pairs Judgmental Members with “Project Cases”
In a groundbreaking initiative aimed at boosting church attendance and fostering spiritual growth, the Piety Hills Seventh-day Adventist Church has launched its controversial “Adopt-a-Backslider” program. This innovative outreach effort pairs the congregation’s most judgmental members with those deemed to be “sliding away” from the church’s rigorous standards of holiness. Pastor Earnest Goode, the mastermind behind […]
SATIRE: 6 Foolproof Strategies to Avoid Being Voluntold for Nominating Committee
As Adventists, we all know the dread that comes with those fateful words: “The Nominating Committee will now begin its work.” If you’re tired of being voluntold to serve on yet another church committee, fear not! We’ve compiled a list of tried-and-true tactics to keep you off the Nominating Committee roster. 1. The Invisible Man […]
