LOMA LINDA, California — Researchers at Loma Linda University have officially confirmed that carob remains about as appetizing as chewing on cardboard, despite its much-touted health benefits. Carob, the bane of many an Adventist child’s existence, has long been pushed as a nutritious chocolate alternative. Boasting a fiber content that could keep you regular for […]
SILVER SPRING, Maryland — In a statement released this morning, the General Conference (GC) headquarters of the Adventist Church claimed the Israelites wandered in the wilderness for 40 years because they hadn’t been introduced to Pathfinder clubs. “If they had only been taught the essential navigation skills available to all who complete the Orienteering honor, […]
SILVER SPRING, Maryland — An Adventist family’s dog named Samson has developed some unique habits. The Johnson family of Silver Spring first noticed something was up when Samson began to sit quietly with bowed head before eating his food. “At first we thought he was just sniffing the food intensely,” said owner Jared Johnson. “But […]
In a surprising turn of events, a new board game called “Sabbath Loopholes” has taken the Adventist world by storm, selling out in record time at ABC stores across the globe. The game challenges players to navigate increasingly complex Sabbath scenarios while finding creative ways to reason through their actions. “We wanted to make Sabbath […]
WEST FRANKFORT, ILLINOIS – Local Adventist father Bob Wellman has declared that this year’s family vacation to the 3ABN studios will be “just as fun, if not more so” than a trip to Disney World, much to the chagrin of his wife and three children. “Who needs overpriced mouse ears when you can have a […]
