SATIRE: Scottish Adventist Banned from Michigan Conference for “Cross-dressing”

UPTITE, Michigan — A Scottish Adventist visiting Michigan for the first time was chased out of Uptite Lane Adventist Church for what stone-faced deacons called “shameless cross-dressing.”

Alastair McLaughlin, who had decided to wear a traditional Scottish kilt to church, barely made it into Uptite’s foyer before being questioned by the congregation’s disciplinary committee about why he was “dressed so femme.”

As he was questioned, multiple church members filed past McLaughlin with expensive brooches, watches, and other sparkly non-jewelry a-dangling.

The disciplinary committee offered McLaughlin the choice of getting out of his “lady dress” and into a baptismal robe (no pants were available) or leaving.

McLaughlin claimed he was too jetlagged to see much of a difference between a kilt and a baptismal robe.

He wished his Uptite brethren a “Happy Sabbath” and headed back to the hotel right before the morning’s James 2:2 scripture reading.

This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.