AT Lite
SATIRE: Adventist School Bans Rainbows in Science Class to Avoid “Unintended Theological Statements”
Covenant Hills Adventist Academy has officially banned the display, discussion, or creation of rainbows in all science classes. This unprecedented decision was made to prevent what school officials describe as “unintended theological statements” and to avoid any potential confusion regarding LGBTQ+ interpretations of the colorful phenomenon. Principal Ezra Drysdust elaborated on the reasoning behind the […]
SATIRE: Weimar Campus Security Arrests Salt Smuggler
Campus security at Weimar University made headlines today after apprehending a first-year student attempting to smuggle table salt into the cafeteria during lunch hour. The contraband sodium chloride was discovered hidden in an elaborate false bottom of a seemingly innocent water bottle. “We’ve been tracking this salt ring for weeks,” said Chief of Campus Security, […]
SATIRE: Vine Clarifies His New Venture’s “Needle to the Pole” Name NOT an Endorsement of Vaccines
Berrien Springs, Michigan – Dr. Conrad Vine, the outgoing president of Adventist Frontier Missions (AFM), has launched a new ministry called As the Needle to the Pole. But after a flurry of raised eyebrows and frantic WhatsApp chats in Adventist circles, Vine rushed to clarify that the name isn’t a sneaky nod to Pfizer’s latest […]
SATIRE: 9 Things Adventists Get Wrong
Even a movement rooted in truth has blind spots. Here’s where Adventism might be missing the mark. 1. Vegan Diets as Holiness Metrics Our plant-based lifestyle might lower cholesterol, but equating kale smoothies with spiritual superiority? Please. The original health message emphasized stewardship, not judging cheese-lovers while inhaling coconut ice cream by the pint. 2. […]
AdventInnovate: blacksdahistory.org
Blacksdahistory.org is a website that provides free resources, history, and biographies about black Seventh-day Adventists. It was created by Dr. Benjamin Baker, historian and educator, in 2010. Check out the video below or at our YouTube Channel here. To comment, click/tap here.
AdventInnovate: Adventist Young Professionals
AYP is a young adult network that hosts local chapters, an annual convention, and opportunities for community service and mission trips. The goal of the group is to help young adults grow in faith, build connections, and give back through service, providing resources to help them grow personally, professionally, and spiritually. Check out the video […]
AdventInnovate: ReMindEd
Although the Seventh-day Adventist Church has embraced a whole-person perspective in health since its inception, it has not developed freely available, comprehensive programs to contribute effectively to promotion and prevention within the area of mental health. The goal of ReMindEd is to offer a comprehensive mental health program to minister effectively to the mental needs […]
SATIRE: Church Sound Team Adds Subliminal “Tithe Now” Message to Hymn Instrumentals
In a groundbreaking stewardship initiative, the sound team at Oakridge Seventh-day Adventist Church has reportedly embedded subliminal messages into their instrumental hymn tracks, causing an unexpected surge in tithe returns and very confused first-time visitors. The tech-savvy sound team discovered they could layer barely audible “tithe now” messages between verses of “We Give Thee But […]
SATIRE: Trump Applauds GC for Pioneering Anti-DEI Leadership Long Before It Was Ordered
In a fiery press conference President Donald Trump praised Seventh-day Adventist General Conference (GC) leadership for their “visionary, ahead-of-the-curve rejection of woke DEI [Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion] nonsense,” citing their decades-long tradition of maintaining homogeneous leadership structures. “These folks didn’t need executive orders—they just naturally kept things merit-based, by which I mean, very traditional,” Trump […]