Why Should I Join Your Conversation?
by Rebecca Brothers | 01 September 2023 |
Several weeks ago, I was having coffee with my friend Anj. When we first met years ago, at a brunch event for local LGBTQIA+ folks, I thought she was way too cool to want to be friends with me. We made polite small talk, and then she asked me, “Where did you go to school?”
I said, “I did my undergrad studies at Walla Walla University.”
She looked at me hard and said, “I know Walla Walla.”
Thinking she meant the town, I said, “Well, I guess the college is technically in College Place. Walla Walla is the next town over. But they’re really close together.”
Anj said, “No, I know Walla Walla University. I grew up Seventh-day Adventist.”
“No way!” I said. “So did I!”
“My dad was an Adventist pastor, actually,” said Anj.
“So is mine!” I said.
We’ve been friends ever since, covering every topic from race to religion to gender in our semiregular coffee hours. If you find anything meaningful in today’s column, all credit goes to Anj. (And if it’s pure marshmallow fluff to you, that’s on me.)
Here’s what we talked about in our last chat: Anj had heard about an Adventist church that had recently decided to host a public conversation with some LGBTQIA+ folks.
Immediately we both said, “Nope. There’s no way I would participate in that.”
Here’s why:
We are tired of defending our existence.
We are tired of defending our humanity.
We are tired of arguing that equal rights for us does not mean fewer rights for you. It’s not pie.
We have no interest in trying to change minds that are not coming to the table in good faith.
Others, far smarter than I am, have explained why it is not an oxymoron to be an LGBTQIA+ Christian. Others, far more eloquent than I am, have laid out the case for treating transgender people with dignity, trust, and respect. Other members of the LGBTQIA+ community, far more marginalized than my white middle-class self, have been pleading for ages for the church to accept them and love them on their own terms.
This information is freely available. It is not new.
It’s possible I’ve watched too many episodes of Scandal, the TV show that follows D.C. crisis manager Olivia Pope as she handles PR emergency after PR emergency. Still, I’m a firm believer that the terms and context of a public conversation matter as much as the content of the conversation itself.
- Who’s issuing the invitation?
- Where will the conversation be held?
- Who’s invited to listen?
- What are the terms of the question-and-answer segment?
- How will those questions be moderated?
- What are the shared foundational understandings that undergird the conversation?
- What shared foundational understandings are being presumed without confirmation?
So let’s say you’re an Adventist church that wants to host a public conversation with some LGBTQIA+ folks. It would be wise to consider the questions above, for starters, and also these:
- Who are these folks you’re inviting?
- In what capacity are they being held up as representatives or leaders of a minority or movement?
- What groups are they in?
- Are they “Side B” Christians, who believe it’s OK to be gay as long as you’re celibate?
- Are they involved in “ex-gay” or “conversion” ministries?
- Are you seeking a genuine conversation, or simply affirmation of your existing views?
“The only clear line I draw these days is this: When my religion tries to come between me and my neighbor, I will choose my neighbor. […] Jesus never commanded me to love my religion.” (Barbara Brown Taylor)
We LGBTQIA+ folks are here to stay. We have persisted through ages of persecution, discrimination, and dehumanization. We have persisted through laws designed to make us invisible, police raids designed to scare us silent, and violence designed to wipe us off the map.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu once said, “If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.”
Rebecca Brothers is a Tennessee-based librarian who writes at the intersections of faith, gender, sexuality, politics, and weight. She has published pieces in Our Bible App, Earth & Altar, Cirque, How to Pack for Church Camp, Spectrum, and The Gadfly, and she is a regular contributor at the Sundial Writers’ Corner. In her spare time, she does carpentry work around her tiny farm and tries to keep her poultry out of trouble.
