Why?
by Melody Tan | 11 September 2024 |
Humankind wanting to know “why?” is the reason we know about things such as gravitational forces (“Why does an apple fall to the ground and not up?”) and the structure of the atom (“Why do materials have different properties?”).
Our natural curiosity has led us to make significant discoveries and lessons throughout history. While it’s true some of the answers we’ve come up with are debatable, I believe as a society, we are better off overall because of our desire to understand.
This insatiable sense of wonder is perhaps best expressed by children. Jokes about children and their numerous why questions amused me before I became a mum.
Now that I have an eight-year-old, those jokes aren’t so funny anymore.
Why? (See what I did there?)
While it isn’t scientifically quantified, let’s just say I’m speaking from personal experience that a child asks “Why?” a lot. A whole lot. And I have just one child. Imagine having multiple children all asking “Why?” throughout the day.
If you have watched Star Wars, there is a meme circulating the internet that says, “Once I became a parent, I finally understood the scene where Yoda gets so tired of answering Luke’s questions he just dies.” (OK, I still find this one funny even after I’ve become a mum—it’s just too relatable.)
To be fair, why is an important question, not just for the advancement of civilisation, but also for parenting and human relations.
I have a soft spot for human psychology and its entire premise stems from our wanting to know why we behave the way we do. As someone who reads extensively about parenting theories and advice for work, I have come to realise we could all become better parents simply by understanding psychology.
Psychology informs us why our children behave the way they do—and how best to respond to them. It applies as much to our toddler as it does to our teen. It even applies to our own behaviours and reactions.
But asking why isn’t simply important, it’s also rather valid when applied to children.
We are our children’s first teachers. When they’re young, we instinctively know everything is new for them and so they don’t even need to ask why for us to teach and explain things to them. As they get older and their thought processes become more complex, they naturally turn to us because we were there from the start.
Their questions increase because there is still so much they don’t know and we’re their first source of information (before they discover Google and Wikipedia—my son has taken to instructing me to “ask Google” if I ever reply to his questions with “I don’t know”).
It’s important to answer their whys. Yes, it helps to explain how things work on a practical level, but our answers also shape their worldview and opinions.
Why do we go to church on a Saturday?
Why do we look after the poor?
Why do we respectfully treat those who are different, who believe differently, who behave differently?
My son has been in a formal educational setting for almost three years. I have previously talked about the threat of exposure to alternate beliefs and information, from both his teachers and his friends.
Yet, I’m incredibly thankful that despite the barrage of new knowledge flooding his brain, he still turns to me to play the role of fact checker. His questions aren’t so much “Why?” but more “Is it true?” Regardless, I believe it’s because he’s used to having his why questions answered that he now turns to me whenever there’s something he doesn’t quite understand (or believe).
Encouraging a child to ask why and creating a conducive environment for them to do so aren’t without their pitfalls, though. On the one hand, it helps grow a critical mind. On the other, you can become so worn down by all the questions, you just want to yell, “Just do as you’re told!” (Which may or may not result in yet another “Why?”.)
The reality is, sometimes, there are easy answers. Sometimes there are no good answers. Sometimes the answers aren’t age-appropriate. Sometimes, the answers are just too difficult to unpack.
Sometimes, the answers may be too traumatic to explore.
And sometimes, I wonder if God feels the same way about our why questions.
Why wasn’t my father cured of cancer?
Why was my husband’s job made redundant?
Why?
Is this when faith comes in, where we simply do as we’re told and trust that there is a good reason for it?
Is it because sometimes, there are easy answers. Sometimes there are no good answers. Sometimes the answers aren’t age-appropriate. Sometimes, the answers are just too difficult to unpack. Sometimes, the answers may be too traumatic to explore.
Is God simply protecting us from the answers until we are ready for them?
Is this why the Bible says, “Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (Hebrews 11:1) and that we should “live by faith, not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7)?
Melody Tan is a freelance writer, content creator, and editor for both print and digital. She is currently the project leader of Mums At The Table, a multimedia initiative aimed at supporting mothers in their parenting journey, through education and community. She and her husband live in Sydney, Australia, with their seven-year-old son.
