SATIRE: United Removes Doug Batchelor From Plane for Carrying “Sword of the Spirit”
SACRAMENTO, California — United Airlines confirmed that it had removed veteran Adventist evangelist Doug Batchelor from a flight leaving Sacramento International Airport this afternoon.
Batchelor was ushered off Newark-bound United Flight 1844 after casually telling a seatmate before takeoff that he was carrying the “Sword of the Spirit.”
Batchelor’s panicked fellow passenger wasted no time alerting cabin crew that the pastor was carrying a weapon.
A team of security personnel swarmed the plane within minutes.
No weapons were found in Batchelor’s hand luggage. All that was discovered was a very large Bible and a half-eaten Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pie which Batchelor described as “the thorn in my flesh,” confusing personnel further.
Batchelor attempted to explain to unimpressed United staff and airport security that his “Sword of the Spirit” quip had merely been a New Testament reference to the Bible.
Unconvinced by his explanation, security deplaned Batchelor as a precautionary measure.
United later tweeted that Batchelor had been removed for “inappropriate cabin conversation and a Bible that exceeded hand luggage weight limits.”
This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.
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