Loma Linda, California, May 30, 2024 – In a pioneering move to enhance the worship experience, Loma Linda University Church is excited to announce the installation of self-shaking church pews. This innovative addition aims to gently wake up any sleeping congregants, ensuring an engaging and attentive atmosphere during services.

The self-shaking pews are equipped with advanced sensors that detect prolonged periods of stillness or head nodding, common indicators of dozing off. When such behavior is detected, the pews emit a subtle vibration, gently rousing the individual. This feature is designed to be unobtrusive, ensuring that it does not disrupt the service or other congregants.

Pastor Randy Roberts, senior pastor at Loma Linda University Church, expressed his enthusiasm for the new addition: “We are always looking for ways to enhance the worship experience for our members. The self-shaking pews are a practical solution to help keep our congregants engaged and fully present during our services. We believe this innovative approach will be warmly received by all our members that complain about open snoring in church.”

The installation of these state-of-the-art pews will commence this summer, with the first phase expected to be completed by the beginning of the fall semester. The project is part of a broader initiative by Loma Linda University Church to integrate modern technology and improve the overall experience for worshippers.

Dr. Richard Hart, President of Loma Linda University Health, commented on the initiative: “This project reflects the spirit of innovation and community that defines Loma Linda University and its affiliated institutions. We are excited to see how this will positively impact the worship experience at Loma Linda University Church and greatly delay the actual shaking of Adventism.”

Image: Facebook – Loma Linda University Church

This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.