SATIRE: GC Asks Adventists to Stop Drinking Roma as It Sounds “Too Catholic”
SILVER SPRING, Maryland — The General Conference (GC) of Seventh-day Adventists is asking members to stop drinking the coffee substitute Roma, as the product’s name “sounds too Catholic.”
Tray Poastuhm, a spokesperson for the GC’s Department of Interfaith Stonewalling, said the name “Roma” clearly betrayed the drink’s roots in papal Rome and should therefore not form part of a discerning Adventist’s pantry.
Poastuhm told reporters that Adventists have a proud tradition of finding substitutes for just about anything, as long as there was an adequate supply of sodium or other equally harmful substance on hand. He encouraged Adventists to use this inventive substitutionary instinct in replacing their Roma jars.
“Let’s be clear: We aren’t advocating for the use of coffee,” said Poastuhm. “But we are urging all Adventist Roma fans to find a substitute for their current coffee substitute pronto.”
This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.
