Harvesttime, Tennessee — A couple months ago, go-getter deacon Joshua Hudson introduced a groundbreaking approach to boosting offering collections without the knowledge of his fellow members at Pennylane Adventist Church.

Equipped with a discrete card reader, he subtly tapped the pockets of members as they filed out of the sanctuary on the way to potluck on Sabbath mornings.

Joshua’s innovative yet clandestine endeavor was subjected to scrutiny after members started to question unauthorized payments to a mobile payment terminal at the church.

Joshua proudly revealed his tactics as soon as the issue of payments was raised, saying he was just doing his part of the Lord’s work by “bringing in the sheaves.” He pushed back resolutely on any suggestion that he had misunderstood the gist of the hymn he was referencing.

“It’s a clever idea, no doubt,” said one intrigued church member, who had twice been charged offering payments of $28 due to Joshua’s tactics, “but I feel uneasy about not being aware of my offering being collected in this manner.”

“We value innovation and adaptability,” said Pastor Emily Sanchez. “However, we did notice that when we put someone else in charge of the card readers, Joshua stopped bringing his wallet to church.”

This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.

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