COLLEGEDALE, Tennessee — Seventh-day Adventist churches within a 10-mile radius of Southern Adventist University (SAU) have reported having to air out their sanctuaries after visits from Southern’s students this Sabbath. Due to new regulations established by the university, all campus-based showering has been banned from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown.

SAU administrators have literally shut off water supply to residence hall showers during Sabbath hours, leaving students with little choice but to embrace what many have come to refer to as “Sabbath funk.”

“These kids reek,” said Collegdale Church regular Debbie Petite, as she strode off purposefully in search of air fresheners in the church’s cleaning closets.

Petite said that as much as she was delighted to have Southern kids in church, she would be recommending separate seating zones for the students who smelled so horribly Petite was unable to adequately perform this Sabbath’s responsive reading.

This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.

To comment, click here.