SATIRE: Adventist Found Guilty of Sabbath Swimming After Falling into Pool
SILVER SPRING, Maryland — The Adventist Supreme Court has found a member guilty of Sabbath swimming despite what he claims was an entirely accidental fall into a friend’s pool.
The incident which took place last Sabbath is said to have occurred as Wade Densplache was taking what he called a “Sabbath afternoon walk.”
Eyewitnesses said that Densplache got up from a Sabbath lunch and walked into his friend’s backyard after appearing to tire of the discussion of the day’s sermon.
“Wade strolled out the back door, and the next thing we saw was him crashing into the pool,” said lunch guest and local head elder William Millered, claiming that he could not say for certain whether the Sabbath splash had been an accident or a premeditated plunge.
General Conference-based Supreme Court justices had no time for claims that Densplache had fallen into the pool by accident.
In a court statement sentencing Densplache to a year’s worth of conference-wide baptismal pool cleaning, the justices said that they had “heard a few too many Sabbath swimming excuses to put much stock in Denspache’s completely unoriginal tale.”
This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.
