My Adventist husband is making me miserable because I’m not a member of his church
1 July 2024 |
Dear Aunt Sevvy,
I’m a Pentecostal believer, and I married a Seventh-day Adventist man.
During our courtship he didn’t seem overly interested in his own church, and sometimes he went with me to my church. After we got married, for several months he went with me to my church, and we were happy.
But then he began to be angry because I didn’t like his church. Frankly, I don’t believe in the doctrines of unclean food and no ornaments, nor that the Adventist church is the only true church. Nor do I enjoy their manner of worship or the songs they sing.
He also quit eating foods he ate with me before.
It’s been eight months since we got married, and I’m thinking of getting a divorce. He’s changed: he’s become annoying, loud, and aggressive.
What can I do? Please, I need advice.
Signed, Not Happy Anymore
Dear Not Happy,
Many Seventh-day Adventists are very opinionated about their church, their doctrines, and their dos and don’ts.
Still, Aunty has reached this conclusion about couple conflicts: if religion has become a problem, the problem isn’t religion. Conflict about religion is a substitute for other problems, possibly spiritual ones, but certainly relationship ones.
Aunty doesn’t know either you or your husband, so she can only go by what you’ve told her. But clearly, your husband knew exactly what your spiritual fellowship was when he married you—and now he wants to change you. Furthermore, you say he had little interest in his own religion until he married. It seems that religion has become a tool to exercise control over you.
People who love one another don’t create conflict over faith in Jesus. By the Bible’s definition, people who love Jesus are loving to one another, no matter their doctrinal differences—and that should be especially true of husband and wife. Furthermore, the apostle Paul is very clear that matters of food (see Romans 14) and styles of worship shouldn’t drive wedges between people. The goal is loving unity, and no more (1 Corinthians 1:10; Romans 15:5,6; Romans 16:17).
He can eat his food and you yours. He can go to his church and you yours. But at home, love and patience and kindness should reign. Church is never a valid reason to create conflict at home. I hope you can help him to see that.
Aunt Sevvy
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