SATIRE: Bathroom Breaks Banned During Offering
ADVENTIST WORLD — In a bid to revive flagging offering tallies, Church leaders have banned bathroom breaks during offering appeals and collections.
“It seems Adventist bladders always fill around offering time because members make a beeline for the bathroom the minute offering is announced,” said stewardship specialist Nicholas Dime.
To reinforce the ban, deacons have been given the authority to lock bathroom doors immediately before offering appeals and only re-open them after the basket has been passed throughout the entire congregation at least once.
Dime said that leadership had briefly considered the option of allowing for bathroom breaks during offering time but charging a “donation” to use the toilet.
“We had to throw that idea out when members threatened to bring whips into church in retaliation,” said Dime.
This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.
