Aunty, I’ve Been Having a Years-Long Relationship with a Married Man.
17 April 2023 |
Dear Aunt Sevvy,
I met a man seven years ago. He was engaged to be married. He told me he had second thoughts about marrying, but he got married a month after we met, and is still married.
I am totally in love with this guy. He comes once a week for relations, and every morning we talk and eat meals together. Recently his car got totaled by a deer, so we don’t get as much time as we used to because he has a work truck that can’t be driven after hours. Not being able to go out and do fun things has put a strain on our relationship. What do you suggest? Be patient or move on? He keeps saying he’s saving for a new vehicle and he will be able to go out with me more then.
Signed, The Other Woman
Dear Other Woman,
You are in a heartbreaking situation. It is clear that you love this man, enough that you have invested seven years of your life with him.
But he has let you down. And though you identify his lack of a car as the problem, I think you know in your heart that that’s not the main problem. The main problem is that this is a deceptive, dead-end relationship that depends on lies and cheating and betraying his vows to his wife.
What I am going to say to you might be painful, but it is important that you hear it: he is never going to leave his wife to be with you. He is never going to take you out the way you would like. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Why would he change the situation he is in now? He gets the benefits of marriage security at one house, and the fun of having a sexually available mistress at another!
Aunt Sevvy is not here to judge you. Love makes us do crazy things, even to the point of breaking our own moral code. But I think that in your heart, you realize that this isn’t a healthy relationship. Do yourself a favor and send that man packing! If not for moral reasons, you must stop seeing him for your own mental health.
And if you can’t do it for yourself, try to at least have some sympathy for the woman he is deceiving to spend time with you.
No, it will not be easy to let go, but please find the strength to say “no more.” Seven years is already too long to have invested in someone who will never fulfill his promises to you. If he truly loved you and wanted to be with you he would have done so long before now.
This is a relationship that can only end in heartbreak. Find someone who is delighted to be with you fully, and only then will you be able to have the life God wants for you.
You can write to Aunt Sevvy at DearAuntSevvy@gmail.com. Please keep questions or comments short. What you send us at this address won’t necessarily be, but could be, published—without identifying the writer. Aunt Sevvy writes her own column, and her opinions are not necessarily those of Adventist Today’s editors.
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