28 March 2022  |

Dear Aunty:

I want to marry an Adventist man. How can that happen? 

Signed, Someone to Share my Faith

Dear Someone,

You are not alone! There are many young (and not-so-young) people who want a spouse who shares their beliefs. Especially after a person has left formal Adventist education, the dating pool of people of our faith can be diminishingly small. 

Aunty can’t find an Adventist man to marry you, but she can give you some advice. 

If you aren’t finding the right person, meeting more people can help. Dating can be a numbers game; if you meet 20 new people, maybe 5 of them would be someone you might like, and of those 5 maybe 1 could be someone who would feel the same about you.

Just as important is to learn how to meet people and be friendly. Smiling and meeting people’s eyes is important. Aunty remembers a young woman who had a lot to offer, but had a hard time showing that she was interested in others (though she was), and she tended to stay silent in conversations. We describe such people as “shy,” which makes it sound as though it’s an intractable problem—but in fact, these kinds of social skills can be learned with a bit of coaching. 

Since you’re looking for an Adventist, be where other Adventists hang out. It helps to live near one of the Adventist hubs, such as a university or hospital. Find out where other single Adventists are and go be with them. 

An online Adventist dating site might be something to try, too. 

A mistake people make when seeking a mate is to spend all their energy looking for a partner, and very little on making themselves a more desirable partner. You can improve your education, spend more time cultivating skills and hobbies, read more, learn a language, or kick some bad habits. 

Like it or not, part of attraction is physical, and even though very few of us are naturally knockout gorgeous, all of us can do a bit of work on grooming, style and dress. 

Aunty even thinks therapy or counseling is helpful for a few who are struggling in this way. Learning about our own flaws and working toward becoming a healthier person is a good goal—and may even help you be happier with your own company.

Lastly, consider that finding an Adventist spouse isn’t the most important life priority. Not so long ago getting married was an expectation for every young person—a life goal. Not anymore.

Though it may not be much comfort at this moment, Aunty has often reminded people that there are worse things than being single. Much worse.

Aunt Sevvy

You can write to Aunt Sevvy at DearAuntSevvy@gmail.com. Please keep questions or comments short. What you send us at this address won’t necessarily be, but could be, published—without identification of the writer. Aunt Sevvy writes her own column, and her opinions are not necessarily those of Adventist Today’s editors.

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