Worn Out
by Debbonnaire Kovacs
1 Kings 19:4-8
A pastor I know once gave me an entirely new look at this familiar story. It's the one of Elijah's depression after the great victory at Mt. Carmel. To recap: Elijah spends a day listening to the frenzied "praying" of Baal's priests, has an ancient altar rebuilt, finds 12 barrels of water (from where?? 3 year drought, remember?) and dumps them on the altar and sacrifice, prays quietly, watches fire from heaven destroy the sacrifice, the water, and the stones, kills (and/or supervises the killing of) 400 priests, prays for rain and gets it, runs 17 miles in front of a horse and chariot, receives a death threat . . . then runs into Judah and collapses. "Please, God, just let me die."
Do you know that feeling? I do.
Here's what I learned from my pastor friend:
The office of prophet is to be the voice of God to the people, and to be the voice of the people to God. Remember Abraham dickering over Sodom? Moses saying, "If you're going to kill them, kill me, but don't do it–you're a better God than that"?
Elijah has just hit a wall. He's burned out. He's not just tired, he's exhausted, out of gas. He has forgotten the rest of God's children and thinks he's the only one who is still faithful. It's one of the hazards of depression. The vision narrows down to just yourself. "Life is no longer worth living, God. Just let me go now."
God understands that, my pastor friend said. He doesn't judge or scold. In fact, he sends an angel to feed Elijah (which is even better than ravens and widows) and gives him the strength to go another 40 days and run some more miles. Then he talks to Elijah in person.
Shhh. Rest. I'm here.
But God also recognizes, as Elijah probably does not–almost certainly does not–that Elijah is done. He is used up. God relieves Elijah of duty.
"If you can no longer speak for the people to me, then you can no longer speak for me to the people. Go anoint two kings. Then find Elisha. Then retire."
I was startled. Seriously? It happened right after this? I picked up my Bible and looked. Sure enough, right in the next few verses. Of course, God lets Elijah spend some time training his replacement. Then he takes Elijah directly to heaven! I'm pretty sure he didn't–doesn't–mind his retirement at all! In fact, I even think I know what he talked to Jesus about, on the Mount of Transfiguration.
But that's just me. It just makes me want to pay attention. Am I, in my God-given roles, whatever they may be, careful to pay attention, to speak to people in God's behalf, and to speak to God in people's behalf? Because when we can't do that anymore, we should just retire.
Thank you for your contributions in the devotional area. I am now retired from full-time work in the church organization, and sometimes I wonder what God has for me to do for Him. I teach a SS a couple times a month, but it seems something is lacking. I used to write and had a lot published, but now have little motivation.
While reading all of the discussions, I don't see many really applying spiritual principles to the issues. Don't they all have spiritual components that are being ignored? Sometimes I try to bring them up, but it seems like it goes over their heads.
Ella,
Don't waste your time doing what does not bring results.
You're feeling unfulfilled. How are you measuring fulfillment? If you're not seeing results doing what you're doing then it is time to quit that and do something else. The question is: What? Your only source of answers is the Holy Spirit. Study the role of the Holy Spirit in scripture. Give particular focus to studying the role of spiritual gifts in the early church. That is our model for how we should be working today. Seek God's guidance to discover the ministry He has for you.
Now, here's the challenge. Your definition of "ministry" is going to have to change. Maybe radically. You need to be willing to do whatever it is God wants to lead you into. You can't let traditional concepts hold you back or restrict your thinking. I'll give you at least a 90% probability that it has absolutely nothing to do with preaching, teaching or giving Bible studies. Yet it will be more effective than anything you have ever done before because it will be you working in God's power doing what He wants done.
Don't be so concerned about the effectiveness of the church or of other people. Be the person you want and light a candle in your corner without expecting much of others. We are not responsible for what other people do nor judge their spirituality, as it may not be demonstrated for all the world to see.
If you are an experienced and published writer, it does not mean that you are not being used. In retirement, we have more time and the additional opportunity to be helpful to others even more than in our working and busy lives. We should not judge by our "busy-ness" but in our dealings with our fellowman: we all have that opportunity.
I draw a distinction between burned-out and worn-out. Elijah was worn out so it was time for him to stpe aside.
We are far more likely to encounter being burned-out when our concepts of how things should be done and our best efforts have reached a point of emotional (and sometimes physical) exhaustion and extreme frustrtion. I've been there. I've "hit the wall" spiritually and realized the wall was neither injured or moving. That is a time of extreme spiritual risk because our feelings can lead us to give up our familiar relationship with God. Or, we can let God seize the opportunity to give us a new relationship. In my case I was totally frustrated by all the defense of tradition and the power games I saw happening in the church that were preventing it from fulfilling God's commands and growing. So I was at the point of quitting on God completely. That's when He got my attention by making me aware that I was in the position of greatest potential for discovering gift-based ministry in the Holy Spirit. The results have been life changing and I am enjoying a ministry that has both become my passion and is helping the church grow.
Very true, William. I agree with that distinction. I would even say Elijah was both. Clearly he was, as you say, in a "time of extreme spiritual risk." Thank God He always comes to us and offers to lead us out, and thank God sometimes we listen!
Ella, it sounds like you may be in a place where you are ready to hear a new call. It might be something you are used to and have overlooked (and are already doing, perhaps) or it might be a whole new thing. Maybe it's just time to rest. Jesus says that, sometimes, too. He'll show you.