SATIRE: Trump Applauds GC for Pioneering Anti-DEI Leadership Long Before It Was Ordered
In a fiery press conference President Donald Trump praised Seventh-day Adventist General Conference (GC) leadership for their “visionary, ahead-of-the-curve rejection of woke DEI [Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion] nonsense,” citing their decades-long tradition of maintaining homogeneous leadership structures.
“These folks didn’t need executive orders—they just naturally kept things merit-based, by which I mean, very traditional,” Trump declared, adding, “No quotas, no pronouns, just good old-fashioned Biblical values. Tremendous!”
Trump lauded the GC’s historic resistance to diversifying its presidents. “You look at these presidents—strong, steady, no radical ideas about ‘equity’ or ‘inclusion.’ They hire the best people, and by ‘best,’ I mean people who’ve always been in charge. No disruptions!”
The GC’s avoidance of formal diversity training programs earned particular acclaim. “They don’t waste time on sensitivity seminars or ‘cultural competence,’” Trump said. “Why fix what isn’t broken? If it ain’t white, male, and anglophone, it ain’t leadership material—and that’s just common sense!”
Trump drew parallels between his own defunding of federal DEI offices and the GC’s minimalist approach to regional representation. “When I shut down those DEI rackets, I felt like I was channeling the GC’s playbook. No budgets for ‘inclusion,’ no committees for ‘equity’—just pure, uncut tradition.”
Both Trump and GC leadership, he argued, share a mission to “protect institutions from being hijacked by radical agendas.”
“The GC doesn’t cave to ‘progress.’ They’ve kept ordination, leadership, and theology exactly where God intended—in the hands of the same folks who’ve always held it. Huge respect!”
This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.
