SILVER SPRING, Maryland — This week Starbucks launched a new line of drinkware in Silver Spring, Maryland. Instead of branding mugs with the name of the city, the coffee giant decided instead to honor what it called its “faithful yet nervous General Conference customers.”

Starbucks said that although General Conference (GC) staff “loyally stream into our Silver Spring locations, they are forever looking over their shoulders as they place their orders.”

Coffee shop staff have also noticed that GC staff place their drinks in nondescript paper bags or ask that their drinks be labeled “soup” regardless of the contents.

“We have no idea what’s going on with our GC customers but we want to reward their loyalty over the years with the new branded mugs,” said Starbucks merchandising manager Chloe Lezz, adding that, for some strange reason, the complementary box of branded mugs she had sent to the GC’s third-floor offices had been returned.

This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.

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