BERRIEN SPRINGS, Michigan — An international study of the views of single Adventist women on romantic relationships has revealed near-unanimous agreement that the quality of available Adventist men is a “great disappointment.”
Regardless of their culture or nationality, Adventist women seemed to agree that the few Adventist men that are quality have already been snatched up.
“Male pickings are super slim at the local church level,” said Andrews University researcher Ena Morado. “The few single males that are around seem barely literate and incapable of pulling off a successful tie/shirt combo.”
Morado said that the unavailability of up-to-snuff males has made the occasional appearance of a new attractive man at church “an earth-shattering event causing women to fight like Kellogg brothers for the chance to sit next to him at potluck.”
This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.