SATIRE: Pastor Claims He Is Unequally Yoked to Wife Who Is Quitting Nursing
BERRIEN SPRINGS, Michigan – Local pastor Robert Eyer declared himself to be “unequally yoked” with his wife, Denise, after she revealed plans to leave her nursing career after 15 years to pursue her dream of becoming a real estate agent.
Eyer, who has been the lead pastor at the Berrien Springs Overpriced Church for the last decade, said the news has caused major turmoil in their marriage of 18 years.
“A pastor’s wife who isn’t a nurse? It’s just unbiblical!” he proclaimed after a heated exchange where Denise announced her decision. “How can I counsel couples about being equally yoked in their spiritual walks when my own wife has decided to diverge so drastically from the path?”
Denise rolled her eyes as her husband began quoting 2 Corinthians about not being bound together with unbelievers. “I’m still an Adventist, Rob. I’m just changing careers – it’s not that deep.”
But Eyer was undeterred, lamenting how they could no longer be a quintessential Adventist power couple with him as a pastor and her as a nurse. “Think of all the Sabbath morning crowds that will forever look upon us as shockingly unorthodox,” he cried.
He went on to express concerns about how she would no longer get to use unique nursing analogies in her sermons when they did sermons together for the church’s quarterly Women’s Day event. “Who will understand when I make impassioned appeals about being the Good Samaritan if you can’t pantomime putting on latex gloves for emphasis?”
“I didn’t realize my identity as your wife was so defined by my career,” Denise said with a sigh, already reviewing real estate license requirements on her phone as Eyer dramatically clung to her nurse’s uniform, sobbing about the death of tradition.
This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.
