SILVER SPRING, Maryland — A Master Guide who had earned every Pathfinder honor currently available passed out today while speaking to a large group of club directors in Silver Spring.

Dressed in full Pathfinder regalia, Patch Haddams was speaking in an auditorium with faulty air conditioners when the burden of his jumbo-sized sash, weighed down by hundreds of honor badges, proved to be too much to bear.

Halfway through exhorting the crowd to “walk softly in the sanctuary,” Haddams crashed to the floor.

“I hadn’t been able to keep me eyes open, let alone keep a level eye, until Haddams ate it,” said club director and registered nurse Deesper Tad, who rushed to revive the speaker.

“Luckily, all it took to bring him to was a glass of cold brew Roma and someone blasting ‘Oh, we are the Pathfinders strong.’”