SATIRE – Local Adventist So Bored He’s Reading Church Manual

PORTLAND, Oregon — Cabin fever reached a new high today for local Adventist Booker Powell, who took to social media to complain about a bad flu.

Powell told worn-out friends he felt more cooped up at home than he did as a teen, in his academy dorm room, after curfew, on a Saturday night.

Exasperated at the lack of originality in his friends’ indoor activity suggestions and wholly incapable of generating any better ones himself, Powell dusted off a copy of the SDA church manual.

As he began reading page after page of instruction about the governance, operations, and functions of local churches, Powell’s struggle quickly shifted from a feeling of imprisonment to an overpowering urge to take a lavish, sermon-style nap.

Much to the relief of his Twitter followers, he gave in.

This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.