SATIRE: General Conference formally apologizes for banishing Ellen White to Australia
SILVER SPRING, Maryland — Today, over 120 years after sending Ellen G. White to Australia, the General Conference (GC) has issued a formal statement apologizing for “what was unequivocally a low move.” White was sent as a missionary to Australia after she clashed with GC leaders in the early 1890s while advocating for a number of issues, including a more Christ-centered Adventist theology.
“To say it was uncool of us to send Ellen White to what at the time was little more than an uncultured den of criminality is a massive understatement,” said GC Director of Human Resources, Trent Cassidy. “Let me remind you that a century ago there were no veggie options at Outback Steak House. There was no Outback Steak House, for that matter. There was just a massive, dusty Outback Down Under.”
White, who worked in Australia from 1891–1900, was recently named among the 100 Most Significant Americans of All Time by Smithsonian Magazine. “Quite frankly, we don’t know what the church leaders back then were thinking,” said Cassidy. “Nobody here today would have done that. You’d think they were threatened by a strong woman or something.”
This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.