SATIRE: GC Recognized as Greenest Organization on Planet for Recycling of Old Ideas
SILVER SPRING, Maryland — In a development not even the most prophetically gifted saw coming, the General Conference (GC) of the Seventh-day Adventist Church has been recognized as a global leader in environmental sustainability. The International Recycling Coalition (IRC) awarded the GC its top honor, the “Golden Bin,” for its commitment to resource conservation.
“The GC has demonstrated a remarkable dedication to recycling,” stated Dr. Evelyn Green, President of the IRC. “Their approach is truly unique, focusing on the continual reuse of existing ideas and structures.”
The IRC sees the GC’s unwavering commitment to its core methods and slogans as a form of environmental stewardship. “By continuously reusing their existing framework,” Dr. Green explained, “the GC minimizes the need to develop new ideas or adapt to changing social landscapes and New Light. This, in turn, reduces the overall ‘ideological footprint’ of the organization.”
Reactions within the Adventist community have been mixed. Some members praise the GC’s dedication to tradition, viewing it as a form of stability in a rapidly changing world. Others, however, question whether a purely “reuse” approach stifles innovation and progress.
The GC has vigorously pushed back on critics with a statement saying there’s a highly motivated team in the GC basement constantly dreaming up new ways to bake with carob.
This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.
