SILVER SPRING, Maryland — The General Conference (GC) building joined the festive season by decorating each floor with an impressive amount of red tape.

Feeling the tithe parity squeeze, the treasury department banned the use of any other material for dressing up office spaces. But since there was no end to the supply of red tape in the building, departments were told they could go to town.

Mired in insane amounts of bureaucracy, the third floor was easily the most festive this year. A few pragmatists wandering the halls were overheard muttering “bah humbug” as they waded through the decorations. Not a single thing has been accomplished on the floor all month due to all the tape.