Excited Adventists everywhere are carefully wrapping Christmas presents and according to real-time data available from the General Conference Department of Questionable Expenditure, the most gifted item this year is the first-ever Ellen G. White action figure. Produced by the Ellen G. White Estate, an initial production run of 144,000 action figures of the Adventist cofounder has completely sold out, and there is still stratospheric demand.
“We never thought there would be this kind of interest in our action figure idea,” says White Estate spokesperson Elm Haven. “At best we thought some Sabbath School departments and elementary schools would want some.”
The action figure boxes feature a “re-imagined Ellen White wearing period-appropriate-yet-cheerful dress and also comes with a Bible, quill pen, and writing desk, so that Adventists young and old can more concretely imagine Mrs. White penning her many works,” said Haven.
He also mentioned that due to the huge level of interest in the action figures, Ellen White 2.0 would be released and would feature “a very resilient arm that can hold up ridiculously heavy family Bibles for impressive stretches of time.”
This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.