Adventist kindergarteners around the country have never been more enraged. The source of their anger appears to be famed Adventist evangelist Doug Batchelor, who has launched a whirlwind “Santa isn’t real” tour of schools and churches this December.

Batchelor has pledged to eradicate any belief in Santa Claus from the minds of young Adventist kids. He says that “the myth of Santa Claus, no matter how touching, warm, or fuzzy, has no place in the imaginations of Adventist children.”

Since the launch of Batchelor’s tour this week, there have been dozens of reports of children storming out of classrooms and Sabbath Schools, fingers firmly planted in their ears.

“Is this really necessary?” asked a frazzled, defeated-looking Adventist father of three, Halpp Meieh, one of countless parents reporting extremely difficult conversations with their children since the start of Batchelor’s tour. “What’s next? Pastor Doug holding a book burning of Uncle Arthur’s Bedtime Stories next Christmas?”

This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.

To comment, click/tap here.

Before you take off… When you give to Adventist Today you are backing a city of refuge supporting transparency and open discussion in the Adventist community. It’s 2023 Year-End Fundraiser time at AT and we are counting on YOU to help us serve more and more Adventists around the world with accessible, independent journalism.
Thank you for giving generously to build the future of AT.
Donate to AT by clicking here: atoday.org/donate