SATIRE: Developer Selling Plots for Adventist Subdivision in Heaven
HOLLAND, Michigan — Adventist luxury home developer Chuck Todson of Todson Heavenly Homes has started selling down payments for seven-room mansions in what he is billing “the most exclusive subdivision in heaven.” Home plot down payments for the all-Adventist community are currently selling for the bargain price of $10,000 each, “well below your average American home down payment in this market,” said the developer.
“Adventists have always been a people set apart. I don’t see that changing,” said Todson, who is guaranteeing all buyers that their future neighborhood will be “more Adventist than Collegedale, Berrien Springs, and parts of Loma Linda put together.”
Todson’s efforts have brought him tremendous success. “Adventists think this is the best thing since FriChik,” said Todson, pointing to 144 plots he has sold so far as evidence.
Todson tailors his marketing approach to the brand of Adventist he detects in each prospective customer. “To some Adventists who have a narrower view, I don’t even bother saying it’s a subdivision, because they literally aren’t expecting anyone else to turn up.”
This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.