SATIRE: Controversial Vote to Decide Location of Second Coming Lift-Off Area in GC Parking Lot

SILVER SPRING, Maryland – Later today, General Conference (GC) leaders will be voting on the hotly debated topic of where in the headquarters parking lot to gather at the time of the Second Coming. So far, nobody has been able to agree whether to gather for lift-off right outside the main entrance or to aim for an area close to a side door. Everyone agrees the ideal location should be easy to access, even for the poor souls that spend most of their time holed up in third floor conference rooms. For the actual vote, a map of the parking lot will be projected onto the auditorium screen. Those voting will be given a choice of seven locations and will then be asked to vote by raising a yellow card when the option their boss selects is shown.

This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.