LOS ANGELES, California — An Adventist man was taken to the emergency room of East Los Angeles-based White Memorial Medical Center this morning with neck pain that he claimed had been building up over the last several months.

Although ER staff had difficulty deciphering his speech, the Los Angeles native identified as Tar Zane attributed the neck pain to “a badly fitted yoke I’ve been wearing since I got married in February.”

Adventist staff picked up on the New Testament marriage analogy and called a hospital chaplain who was able to talk to Zane. He found out that the uncomfortable yoke to which he referred was not one of religious differences with his wife.

“We are both super Adventist and not a day goes by without us cracking open a Worthington can, but I’d like to win at least one argument once in a while,” said Zane with a look of defeat in his tired eyes.

Saying he had no idea how his wife, Jane, does it, Tar admitted that “she outsmarts me at every turn.”

Zane was promptly released by ER staff with a prescription for humble pie.