SATIRE: Adventist Church Builds Database of People Not Contributing to Potluck

SILVER SPRING, Maryland — A database has been created to track Cheapventists (Adventists known at their local churches for attending potluck without contributing their own dishes).

Since word got out about its existence, General Conference administrators have been inundated with names of members that should be on the list.

“We were shocked at how much data was already available on members that consistently neglect to bring their own dishes to potluck,” said database analyst Hugh Dunnit. “Many churches had been keeping their own lists for years so when they heard there was a master list they just emailed over their data.”

Dunnit said that the denomination is used to giving free passes to starving college students and visitors but there are thousands of others that simply are not doing their honest part.

Freeloader members with no good excuse for their bad behavior will receive letters from the GC Church Discipline Department ordering them to start bringing dishes or accept a permanent post on the potluck pots and pans washing crew.

This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.