SATIRE: Adventist Credit Card Launched, Doesn’t Work on Sabbath

SILVER SPRING, Maryland—An Adventist credit card was launched today with some unique features.

The credit card is available exclusively through Adventist Book Center (ABC) stores and will not work on Sabbath.

“Our credit card is designed to be rejected when it is used between Friday sunset and Saturday sunset,” said ABC spokesperson Pam Flett.

She explained that the card was introduced to discourage Adventists from going out to eat on Sabbath.

“If you try to use your Adventist credit card on Sabbath, your pastor will be notified,” said Flett.

She added that anyone that signed up for an Adventist credit card would be entitled to half-off pricing on carob chip cookies, “which just about every ABC store is trying to get rid of anyway.”

Flett was asked by a reporter if debt carried on the credit card would be forgiven every seventh year, per Old Testament Jewish custom.

She responded by adding the journalist’s name to a list of potential applicants that were automatically unapproved for the new card.

This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.