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  1. cb25
    14 May 2013 @ 11:29 am


    Life and relationships can be tough, and all the "why" questions you open with illustrate your experience with that.

    A couple of ponderings for you to reflect on perhaps. It is true in a sense, we do not need human approval or acceptance, and yet that is also deeply untrue in another way. Our happiness ultimately comes down to a personal choice, and we can neither blame others for making us unhappy, nor expect them to do so. It is a choice we make. Sometimes that choice is very hard to make because the emotional elements of relationships etc are intensely powerful. They can take us to great heights, and equall lows. Also, if we consider approval and acceptance from others so important as to sacrifice our values and principles to get it, then we have the wrong balance.

    However, other people are extremely important, and in our relationships, we do need the approval and acceptance of others. It is natural. Do not deny yourself that. As you may know from other comments I've made, I love animals. My daughter has a pet Rex rabbit. He feels so sad if he does not get his scratch on the nose before we go to bed. Is it any wonder we humans feel the need for approval even more? Don't think it wrong to hurt like crazy when relationships fail you. It is normal.  Sadly, it is also normal when relationships don't always go the way one or another may hope. At such times all we can do is give one another the respect we would hope for from the other, and hope our pain will ease. Time does heal many things, but always leaves reminders too!

    God may do wonderful things for you, but there is also a great little experiment you can do. Sit quietly and reflect on your situations, relationships, doubts, and questions what, how and where to etc. Do this as if God had stepped out of the room and the universe for the moment. How would you work your way through each of those things? Treat them for a moment as, "if it is to be it is up to me". What do you want? What do you wish for? Where would you take it all, and how? etc.

    When you have done this, bring God back and simply ask if there are any good reasons the answers you considered would be outside of His will. Unless you can find absolutely clear and valid reasons why not, follow your heart and dreams.

    Katelyn, you may be the clay, but so often, and perhaps more often than you imagine, in this life the potters hands are other people, and you are one of those people to others, just as they are to you. Others in your relationships are being shaped by how you respond in the tough times, just as you are being shaped by how they respond to, and treat you.

    Love and respect others and hope they do the same for you, they will not always, but over time, in spite of the pain, you and perhaps they, or perhaps others, can become an even more beautiful person, the approval and acceptance of whom others will value and love.

  2. cb25
    14 May 2013 @ 11:48 am

    Just a quick correction to how this sentence comes through, correction in bold:

    "Our happiness ultimately comes down to a personal choice, and we can neither blame others for making us unhappy, nor expect them to make us happy"

  3. William Noel
    14 May 2013 @ 12:44 pm


    You are right.  God is working to teach you to trust Him supremely.  It is a lifelong class with new chapters at every turn.  Some are painful and some utterly joyous.  You can choose to stop focus on the pain. Or, you can choose to celebrate the demonstrations of His love that you find among the pain.  Some of the greatest and most treasured times in my life have come wrapped in the worst pain because those were the times when I became more perceptive of God's "love notes" to me.

  4. earl calahan
    15 May 2013 @ 6:57 am

    i recall your earlier blog about being in the Asian region as a student missionary. My daughter Patty served 2 years as a SM, 1980-1981, first in Haiti, then in Brownsville,TX/Matamoras,Mex. Both times she was involved in teaching English/Second Language & Bible. Unlike your position, she and 3 other SM's living & working together. They had a ball. Would recommend you seek a change in location where you can have others working & living with you. My experience is that women are much more socialable, and networking is so important to them, than it is with we the male species. Being alone and in a strange foreign locale can be daunting for even an older woman. You are more vulnerable to slights and rudeness. You may be more sensitive than some, and may feel turnoffs more acutely. While maintaining your loving desire to serve others, utilizing your friendly outlook, and confident of our Lord's love, you will need to gain maturity in human relations quickly, both in giving, and receiving, recognizing all God's human creatures are very, very, different. We do not interpret words, and body language the same. One may initially put on a front that is totally different from their intentions, and if you misread the action, you set yourself up for a fall, which as you say "it hurts".
    What you read, it was not what you hoped, or trusted. Should you be let down, and ignored, after you thought otherwise, it was not to be, so you must quickly size up the situation and move on. You have been supplied with strength from God, but He will let you win your own battles. Each battle you encounter will be a learning experience. You can pout, you can whimper, you can gain wisdom. You are the one in charge of your life. Trials & harrassments may floor you or make you stronger. It will pay successful dividends once you develop toughness, and control all your affairs. Don't let yourself be compromised and set up for disapointment. Stick to your values, it will protect you as you seek what you are desiring in your life. Yours in Christ. 

  5. earl calahan
    16 May 2013 @ 5:38 am

    i've had a day to think more about your position, and i would suggest you think above shortening your stay in Asia. Would suggest you think about returning to your stateside domicile very soon. You should be given a Medal of Valor, for your attempt to share God's message in a foreign land. Your conditions are not worthy of your service there. Return and share life awhile with family, or friends & peers, sharing face to face with loved ones. The hurt you have been exposed to hampers your ability to give adequate merit to the role, also you need to have healing for your mental health. You are not a failure. You have been wounded in action. Wrap it up quickly & head back to your home.

  6. cb25
    16 May 2013 @ 5:41 am

    I thought the O/seas was last year?