SATIRE: Pastor’s Sermon on “Shortness of Time” Enters Third Hour
Members of Sleep Hollow Adventist congregation found themselves reflecting deeply on the concept of time this Sabbath, as Pastor Harold Jenkins’ sermon on “The Shortness of Time” stretched well into its third hour, challenging both the endurance and the faith of those in attendance.
The sermon, which began with an energetic reading of Romans 13:11 and a reminder that “now is the accepted time,” quickly expanded to cover the 2300-day prophecy, a comprehensive history of the Reformation, and a heartfelt personal testimony about a lost set of car keys. By the time the clock struck 2:00 p.m., the deaconesses were seen quietly texting their families: “Still here. Pray for us.”
“I think I understand the shortness of time on a theoretical level,” whispered one weary attendee, “but I’m starting to question the length of this sermon in practice.”
Despite the gentle hum of stomachs and the occasional glance toward the fellowship hall, Pastor Jenkins pressed on, undeterred. “We must not waste a single moment!” he declared, before launching into a detailed exposition of the Three Angels’ Messages and a spontaneous quiz on the Minor Prophets.
By the third hour the AV team began discreetly dimming the sanctuary lights in hopes of signaling an end. Pastor Jenkins, however, remained focused, promising he was “almost finished” before introducing a 14-point closing appeal.
This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.
