SATIRE: GC Warns Adventists Not to Bring Sermon Feedback Signs to Church Like House Democrats
Silver Spring, Maryland – The General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists (GC) has issued an emergency memo to members worldwide, pleading with them not to emulate the “attention-hungry House Democrats” by bringing sermon feedback signs to Sabbath services. The directive comes after fears that churchgoers might take a page from the chaotic playbook seen during Donald Trump’s recent joint session address, where Democrats waved signs, heckled, and staged dramatic walkouts—prompting GC leaders to worry about a similar spectacle derailing Sabbath services.
“We’ve seen what happens when you give people poster board and a cause,” said GC spokesperson Elder Micah Straightlace. “One minute it’s ‘MORE DANIEL 8 PLEASE,’ the next it’s a full-blown protest with someone shaking a vegan cookbook at the pulpit. We’re not about to let our sanctuaries turn into a congressional circus.”
During Trump’s address, dozens of Democratic lawmakers stole the spotlight with antics straight out of a political theater workshop. Rep. Al Green (D-Texas) was escorted out after interrupting Trump with a cane-waving outburst, Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-Mich.) scribbled “PAY YOUR TAXES” on a whiteboard, and Rep. Maxwell Frost (D-Fla.) led a jacket-removing walkout with “RESIST” emblazoned on his back.
Adventist leadership fears a similar fate could befall local churches.
“Imagine Elder Johnson up there preaching about the remnant, and someone holds up a ‘FALSE’ sign because they disagree on the 144,000,” Straightlace groaned. “Or worse, a walkout during the offertory with ‘NO MORE TITHING’ T-shirts. We’d never recover.”
“We’re not saying members can’t have opinions,” Straightlace clarified. “But save it for the suggestion box—or at least whisper it over haystacks at potluck. Let’s not give Satan the satisfaction of turning worship into a reality TV episode.”
In response, some Adventists defend the potential for sign-waving as a spiritual wake-up call. “I’d love to hold up ‘MORE JESUS’ when the sermon veers into politics,” said longtime member Harold Pewbound, 63. “Or maybe ‘CHECK YOUR WATCH’ when we hit the two-hour mark. It’s just honest feedback!”
This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.
