by Grace Pitt, January 29, 2015: (This phone conversation is based on actual experiences and comments heard in her church and in churches she has visited.)
“Hello… Oh, hi Jane. Yes, there is potluck this week… No, I don’t know what I’m taking yet… Yes, I enjoy potlucks too.
I’m glad that I’m an Adventist. I’m so happy God loves me. I know that this is the right church… Yes, I know you feel the same way too.
I’m so blessed. I feel I should help others become better Adventists. The Bible says we should go to others who are stumbling and help them… You know our church members have so many problems!
Last week at church all the children were making so much noise! What is wrong with their parents that they can’t keep them quiet?… You didn’t notice?… I think I’ll have to talk to their parents… What’s that?… Well, yes, I know Jesus called the children to Him, but I’ll bet He made them be quiet!
Did you see those people that came to church last week?… That one girl had green hair and huge earrings. I know that she isn’t an Adventist! I’ll bet she even eats pork! I don’t think they should come back to church until they learn that Adventists don’t do things like that. Why, the next thing we know, our children will be dyeing their hair green!!!
Did you see the dress Sally Brown was wearing the other week?… She knows Adventists don’t wear dresses that short! I had a talk with her… Pardon?… Oh, well, yes, I guess I’m glad she was still coming to church, but I’m sure she was a tare living right here among us… I’m just trying to help her be a better Adventist! She hasn’t been back since I talked to her. I knew she was a tare!
By the way, did you see Jim Smith at Tim Horton’s last night?… I’m sure that was a coffee in his hand. I’ll have to talk to him. Good Adventists don’t drink coffee!… Pardon?… Well, of course I love him. I’m just trying to help him be a better Adventist… Mrs White says you shouldn’t drink coffee, he should know that. God knows he’s sinning! I’ll pray for Jim.
Well, it’s been nice talking to you, but I have to run. I’m late for prayer meeting… Did you say your daughter was coming to visit?… I’m looking forward to meeting her at church next week! Hopefully we can be a good Christian witness to her!… Pardon…pardon…my cell phone is acting up… Did I hear you say she has green hair??????”