21 June 2019 |
Dear Aunt Sevvy,
I am a single Adventist woman. It is very difficult to find Adventist men to date who I feel comfortable with. I want to have someone in my life who shares my values and my faith, but there just don’t seem to be many options for me. Do you have any advice?
Signed, The Loneliest Number
One of the most astonishing facts about the modern world is that we’ve never been so crowded, so connected, and still so lonely. A recent Atlantic magazine article pointed out that people aren’t coupling up anymore when they’re young—even for sex. The forming of young families that our parents participated in so enthusiastically is now deferred until after an education, a career, or even (as one young woman told Aunt Sevvy) until they’ve saved enough money for a massive whopping wedding ceremony should Mr. Right come along.
We human beings weren’t made to be alone. That may not mean you need a romantic partner—we can fulfill our need for companionship through friendships as well.
But Aunt Sevvy understands why you want more than friendship in your life. We Adventists don’t encourage dating outside of our faith group, and there is some sociological reason behind that: Adventists are a subculture that you almost have to be part of to fully understand. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a satisfying relationship with someone who isn’t a Seventh-day Adventist, but it takes understanding and flexibility. And you’ve made it pretty clear that having an Adventist spouse is your goal.
If you want to date an Adventist, you have to go where Adventist single people are. Do you attend church? There’s a reason why Adventists sometimes even go out of their way to move to places where there are other Adventist singles, such as near Adventist colleges or hospitals.
Some people look down on dating online, and Aunt Sevvy understands why. It can be frustrating, but let’s face it: face-to-face dating can be equally frustrating. You may have to meet quite a lot of people online before you find the right one. But the good news is, it only takes one.
Finally, please allow Auntie to say something that may not sound especially helpful. But it is absolutely true, and Auntie has been around the block enough times to have know how true it is:
There are worse things than being single.
Should you become entangled in an unhappy relationship, you may long for the days of your singleness. So don’t settle for any port in a storm.
You can write to Aunt Sevvy at DearAuntSevvy@gmail.com. Please keep questions or comments short. What you send us at this address won’t necessarily be, but could be, published—always without your identity. Aunt Sevvy writes her own column, and her opinions are not necessarily those of Adventist Today’s editors.