Elijah’s Memoir

By Debbonnaire Kovacs, Feb. 11, 2015    There were times, when I was working as a prophet, that I secretly wished I’d said No. They didn’t last, and I was only serious once, but it’s an incredibly difficult life, speaking to the people for God, speaking to God for the people. More of the time, though, the blessings outran the frustrations many times over.

God’s power can rest heavily on a person, but what it can do will take your breath away! I was blessed to see so many miracles, and even to have my tiny part in them. The people (when they weren’t reviling me or arguing with me) tended to think the power was mine, but of course not one drop of it was. I was blessed to help get the Schools of the Prophets set up so that more people could learn about God’s power. But God’s use of me still amazes me, looking back after all these years.

I was the one who prophesied that three-year drought in Israel, and then I was kept through it (along with many others) by the hand of God. For myself, it was pretty astonishing—fed by birds and then by that gentle young woman and her son. All our hearts beat a little faster every morning when we looked in the oil jug and flour jar and there it was—enough for one more day! And then—that boy’s death! I could hardly believe it! Why would God keep the child alive through miraculous means and then let him die?! Those were some of the most urgent prayers I ever prayed. But God answered! Now that was a stunning moment!

I was the one sent to Ahab to tell him the rain would begin again, and that confrontation led to the one everyone else thinks of as defining my life. 400 prophets of Baal…vs me. Seem like overwhelming odds, don’t they? And they are—one idol (or even the entire legion of demons encouraging its worship) vs the Most High God! No contest. The prophets’ roarings and ragings and weepings made me laugh and jeer (I shouldn’t have done that), but when it came down to it, my heart suddenly overflowed with love and compassion for God’s misled, ignorant people, and when my turn came I called them close and just spoke to the Lord on their behalf. And God sent the fire. Not just to the altars, but into the hearts of all who would accept it.

You’d think a person would start to be less worried after a while, but I still remember my heart pounding when I was praying (and praying) for the rain to begin again—even though God had impressed me that now was the time. I kept sending my servant to check again…and again…and still I felt the thrill of relief that weakened my knees when it began.

And then I outran Ahab all the way to Jezreel!

All of these miracles would make a sane person simply let go and trust. Not me. Not in those days. When I heard that Jezebel was out for me, I lost it. I looked back on that episode with shame for a long time, but now the forgiveness and compassion of my God have finally erased that. I fell into such a depression I couldn’t even think straight. I thought—in fact, I swore up and down—that I was the only one left in Israel who was faithful! If God were really the being my mindset made of Him in those days, I would have been cast out and abandoned. To this day, tears well in my eyes when I think of that time. This is the episode I feel defines my life. I remember the starvation of my soul…and the food of angels. I remember the blackness of the cave…and the overwhelming awe of the wind, fire, and earthquake. And then…

I remember the Voice. The gentle, gentle Voice. I couldn’t possibly describe that moment to another living being.

That was the day God said to me that it was time for me to recruit help, and sent me to call Elisha. It seems like only a short while from that time until the time that also stops my heart and fills my eyes with tears. God sent a heavenly chariot for me. For ME!! Unbelievable.

And here I am. All these years, all these decades, all these centuries. In heaven with God and the angels and Moses. The great leader of Israel! He’s my friend now. He and I often sit together and retell stories of God’s astonishing love and power and gentleness. And forgiveness. Forgiveness. Complete and total. You’d think God has no idea we’ve both killed people, and doubted Him, and…well, anyway.

What? Oh, yes, of course, coming!

God is calling me—both of us. He has a special task…

Oh, my dear Lord in heaven, really? Can it be possible?

I can’t breathe…

You want me—us—to go down and comfort Your Beloved One?! Wait, what? You say He’s getting discouraged?

Moses and I look at each other. I know his heart is pounding like mine, but…we do know that feeling. And, hard as it has been to believe and to follow for 33 years, God the Son is only a little, human man now. Well, not only, but…never mind. Unexplainable.

Yes, Lord. Of course we’ll go. We’ll share our stories, and listen to His. It will be the greatest honor we could ever imagine.

This will be the new episode that will define our lives forever.