SATIRE: Daniel 2 Sermon Accidentally Predicts Winning Lottery Numbers
Pastor John Smith of the Peaceful Valley SDA Church inadvertently predicted the winning lottery numbers during his sermon on Daniel 2 last Sabbath.
“And just as the ten toes represent the divided kingdoms,” Pastor Smith declared, “we see the numbers 7, 15, 23, 32, 41, and 56 emerging from the prophetic timeline!”
Little did the pastor know that his fervent interpretation of biblical prophecy would lead to a very worldly windfall for several members of his congregation. Deacon Bob Johnson, who had been dozing off during the sermon, jolted awake just in time to jot down the numbers on his bulletin.
“I thought it was a new way of citing Ellen White’s writings,” Johnson admitted sheepishly. “But something told me to play those numbers in the lottery, and boy, am I glad I did!”
The incident has sparked a heated debate within the church about the ethics of playing the lottery and whether divine intervention played a role in this unusual occurrence. Church elder Sarah Thompson expressed her concerns:
“On one hand, we’re thrilled that Brother Johnson wants to donate a significant portion of his winnings to our building fund. On the other hand, we’re not sure how to reconcile this with our teachings on gambling and materialism.”
Pastor Smith, still in disbelief over the incident, has called for a special prayer meeting to seek guidance on the matter. “While I’m amazed at this turn of events, I want to remind our members that our treasure should be stored in heaven, not in lottery tickets,” he stated.
The church has seen a sudden increase in attendance, with curious visitors hoping to catch the next “prophetic” lottery numbers.
This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.
