The General Conference (GC) has warned that Pope Leo XIV, the first American pope, is allegedly plotting to shift Super Bowl Sunday to Saturday as a direct attack on Sabbath-keeping Adventists. The GC claims the Chicago-born pontiff, formerly Cardinal Robert Prevost, intends to move the iconic American event to the seventh day to spite members […]
LOMA LINDA, California – Excitement swept through the Loma Linda Adventist community yesterday as word spread of a mysterious “cloud the size of a man’s hand” rising in the east. Local residents grabbed their binoculars, dusted off their hymnals, and texted their small groups: “It’s happening!” However, the anticipation fizzled out faster than a New […]
GAiN Gen Z is a pilot project under the GAiN program (Global Adventist Internet Network) of the Seventh-day Adventist General Conference. Its goal is to engage and equip young digital creators (Gen Z) who want to do mission through YouTube, social media, podcasts, and cinema. Check out the video below or visit the full YouTube […]
Local Adventist health enthusiast Gus Beanz has declared that his vegetarian diet produces what he calls “holier emissions.” “It’s simple, really,” Beanz explained, barely containing his excitement. “If we’re supposed to be temples of the Holy Spirit, then everything that comes out of us should be holy too, right?” Beanz, who has been a strict […]
Jeff Larson has revealed that his disdain for “cheap grace” extends far beyond its superficial ease. According to sources close to the piously particular parishioner, Larson isn’t particularly fond of “actual grace” either. “Cheap grace is a slippery slope to moral anarchy,” Larson declared in an impromptu sermon at last week’s vegetarian potluck. “But let’s […]
In a revolutionary approach to Adventist fellowship dining, the Pleasant Valley SDA Church has introduced a groundbreaking “Plausible Deniability Potluck” system designed to protect the identities of culinary contributors. Church members must now drop off their dishes through a series of unmarked doors at staggered intervals. Each dish passes through a complex relay system of […]
Says Pastor Kim: “Many wonderful books about Christianity and Adventism already exist for those who are interested in learning what the Bible claims. I wanted to write a book for those who are not yet willing to examine what the Bible offers, but who might be open to some self-reflection leading to spiritual discovery.” -Quoted […]
Forget mud huts and malaria, the Johnson family has a new definition of missionary work: “paradise with a purpose.” This sun-kissed clan is swapping Bibles for beach towels in their quest to spread the Good Word – Hawaiian style. “We’ll follow the Lord wherever he leads, as long as it’s in Hawaii,” said Mrs. Johnson, […]
COLUMBIA, Maryland – In a move that has raised eyebrows and lowered vaccination rates, the North American Division (NAD) of Seventh-day Adventists has unveiled the creation of the “PureBlood Union Conference,” a new administrative body dedicated exclusively to members who proudly reject vaccines in favor of “natural immunity and essential oils.” The announcement, made during […]
Adventist conspiracy theorists are on high alert, scanning the horizon for signs of “The Shaking”—that end-time sifting where the true remnant will rise and the unfaithful will fall. But in 2025, they’re seeing omens in the most unexpected places, and it’s not just the Sunday law they’re worried about. Here are nine things they swear […]
VATICAN CITY/ST. LOUIS — The General Conference (GC) has announced that the next pope will be elected at the upcoming GC Session in St. Louis this summer. Sources within the GC claim the move is only logical, given that GC presidents wield authority “basically identical” to that of the pope, what with the GC’s claim […]
Trauma occurs when a person experiences something that is perceived as physically or emotionally threatening. These experiences can produce lasting effects upon the individual’s mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health. The Andrews University International Center for Trauma Education & Care offers trauma-informed awareness, education, and tools to support prevention and healing for organizations, schools, churches, and […]