Aunty, when should an Adventist girl start dating?
29 January 2024 |
Dear Aunty,
At what age is it acceptable for an Adventist girl to start dating?
Signed, Africa Girl
Dear Africa Girl,
It sounds to Aunty like you are eager to begin dating! Aunty remembers, and gets it—it’s a perfectly healthy and normal desire.
However, Aunty should tell you that age is only one of the things to take into account. There’s also personal maturity, the culture you live in, your family, and what exactly is meant by “dating.”
If dating means going out as a couple in an exclusive relationship, Aunty would raise cautions about starting that too early. The best preparation for dating, Aunty thinks, is to be part of a group of young people socializing together. Which doesn’t mean you can’t like someone in the group best—but we learn a lot about one another by seeing how we interact without the complication of romance. Most Adventist schools and churches have planned events for teens—banquets, sports, and church programs—where you can be together without being alone together. Aunty hopes you will fully enjoy this phase of your social life, rather than rushing into an exclusive romantic or sexual relationship.
Sometimes parents can be very protective, especially of their daughters. Aunty gets that, too. Like it or not, girls are vulnerable. It would help a lot if parents would prepare their child (regardless of gender) for dating, with some conversations about relationships, expectations, and red flags. Your parents know more than you think they do.
Those conversations ideally would involve careful listening on the part of mom and dad, too. Aunty found that having open, respectful, and frequent conversations with her children as they were entering their teen years helped them navigate the early years of dating better. When disagreements came up, the groundwork for honest conversation was already there. And when heartbreaks inevitably occurred, her children were able to seek their parent’s comfort.
This is a joint parent-child decision, made in the context of your family, the expectations of the culture you live in, and your personal relationship with God. Aunt Sevvy wishes you God’s blessings as you navigate this challenging time.
Aunt Sevvy
Aunt Sevvy has collected her answers into a book! You can get it from Amazon by clicking here.
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