Aunt Sevvy, my Catholic husband insists on taking the children to his church—and things are getting tense
23 September 2024 |
Dear Aunty,
I became an Adventist about 20 years ago. Initially I was very legalistic in my faith. My husband remained Roman Catholic.
Prior to marrying me he had stressed that the children have to be Roman Catholic, and at the time I agreed. They have been baptized and received holy communion in his church, but they also attend our church on Saturdays.
He doesn’t like this at all, and we have argued about it. He has become legalistic about Sundays, days of obligation, etc.
In the last couple of years I’ve been reading non-Adventist authors and I’ve found Christ and His inclusive gospel. But my husband is still unhappy, and there is continuing tension in our home. I’m not sure what to do.
Signed, Desperately Looking for an Answer
Dear Desperately,
Aunty believes that most family conflicts that seem to be about religion aren’t actually about religion. Religion is the thing the family fights about because differences in religion are easy to identify. But the real reason why the family is unhappy is elsewhere, usually having to do with power—because what better way to control everyone than having God backing you up?
Aunty has two things to say to you.
First, there is nothing but harm for your family in pulling your children in different directions. Someone has to give in and stop this conflict. If you and your husband keep this up, you will alienate your children from all faith. Is that what you want—to make Christianity something ugly to them, a source of family tension and anger? Auntie wishes you and your husband could get some counseling.
Second, while Aunty doesn’t endorse Roman Catholic theology, she does believe that there can be a happy relationship with God in more venues than just the Adventist church. You say you have discovered the gospel. Realizing that God is merciful, and that none of us have the whole truth should make you more tolerant of one another’s faith, even if you disagree about theological details. If you and your husband could be convinced of that, you might be able to remove your children from your tug of war.
In short: if you’re fighting about your Christianity, neither of you understands Christianity. Because real Christianity—and Aunty believes this to be categorically true, no matter which church you belong to—should make people happier, not more miserable.
Aunt Sevvy
Aunt Sevvy has collected her answers into a book! You can get it from Amazon by clicking here.
You can write to Aunt Sevvy at DearAuntSevvy@gmail.com. Your real identity will never be revealed.
