A Stillborn Presentation?
by Andrew Hanson
By Andy Hanson, November 29, 2013
Could this be Ted Wilson’s outline of the presentation that Orville Parchment persuaded him not to give at the last meeting of the Executive Committee?*
“Of course Adventists believe all the other Christian stuff about loving your neighbor, etc. However, SDAs, not to be confused with the Seventh Day Adventists or the Seventh Gay Adventists, or any other corporate entity, are God’s remnant people because:
“We go to church on Saturday except on certain islands in the South Pacific.
“We eat kosher as far as meat is concerned.
“We do not work on Saturday, with the exception of preachers, ladies who prepare church potlucks, Herbert Blomstedt, and employees of Adventist medical and educational facilities.
“We believe the Patriarchal Timeline chronicles actual historical events, including the construction of the Tower of Babel in 2242 B.C.
“We believe that Jesus is currently in a Heavenly Sanctuary deciding which human beings deserve to be saved; this heavenly research began in 1844.
“We believe Ellen White’s words, included in the Clear Word Bible, are the world’s final and authoritative prophetic voice.
“We believe that Jesus’ Second Coming is imminent and will occur in my lifetime when a Heavenly determined number of SDAs experience Revival and Reformation. In addition, Jesus will appear as pictured on the cover of the Centennial Special Edition of the 1944 Advent Review and Sabbath Herald.
“I also believe that 20j3h wy08oe h05 g3 04reqh3e.”
Apparently, this last “belief” was considered so controversial that it was encrypted. However when I accidently placed my hands on the keyboard with my index fingers on the “f” and “j” instead of the“r” and “u”…..
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*A copy of this outline, purportedly handwritten, was discovered by an anonymous AT mole at GC headquarters stamped “NOT A GOOD IDEA/op” in trash being collected for shredding. I cannot vouch for its authenticity.
