30 October 2020  |

Dear Aunt Sevvy,

Please tell me if oral sex is sexual immorality.

Signed, A Troubled Adventist 

Dear Troubled,

Sex is such a controversial topic that you’ll get almost as many theological opinions as there are Bible readers. In fact, the Bible has many examples of unconventional sexual relationships—and as much as modern moralists would like to believe otherwise, some of them are outside the “one man, one woman” principle Christians now cling to. Just look at the strange relationships of the patriarchs, David, and Solomon and their partners, none of which would even be legal today.

You didn’t give the context of your question, so I’m going to give two answers. 

Are you asking if oral sex falls outside of the parameters that the Bible gives for adultery? I have heard of people, including one United States president, who thought they weren’t cheating on a wife or husband if they only had oral sex, not genital sex. Similarly, sometimes Christian young people who don’t want to lose their virginity before marriage think that they’re safe if they only have oral sex.

How stupid do you think God is? The definition of sex is not tab A into slot B. It is sexual fulfillment of any kind with someone else. If you believe that premarital or extramarital genital sex is a sin, then you don’t believe in oral sex in those situations, either. 

If, on the other hand, you’re asking whether it is immoral in the context of a Christian marriage, Aunty can find no evidence for that. Throughout history churches have tried to make sex less enjoyable, even for married people, with rules about what positions are allowed, and what body parts should and should not be involved. Why? God made sex pleasurable on purpose. God gave us these bodies that can work together with a partner to have an intimate emotional and spiritual bonding experience that is also fun. Why wouldn’t we explore different ways to make that experience even more fun and intimate?

A warning, though: it may not be pleasurable for a partner to perform or receive oral sex. No one, even in marriage, should be pressured into sexual acts they hate. But as long as both people are enthusiastically enjoying the experience, and are not violating their Christian principles, Aunty says: have a good time.

Aunt Sevvy

You can write to Aunt Sevvy at DearAuntSevvy@gmail.com. Please keep questions or comments short. What you send us at this address won’t necessarily be, but could be, published—always without real names. Aunt Sevvy writes her own column, and her opinions are not necessarily those of all of Adventist Today’s editors.

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