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SATIRE: Marriage Ceremony Delayed—Bride’s Ex-Husband Still to Issue Official Adultery Notification

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In a development that has left the entire church board on the edge of their folding chairs, the much-anticipated remarriage of Sister Abigail was postponed this Sabbath after her ex-husband, Brother Leonard, reported that he has yet to print off the official “Notification of Adultery” required by longstanding Adventist policy. Church policy insists that only […]

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SATIRE: Sub-3-Hour Marathon Added to Baptismal Requirements

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Those wishing to be baptized anytime after next Sabbath had better commit to a serious training regimen because the requirements of baptismal candidates are about to get exponentially harder. “Anyone wishing to be baptized will be required to participate in an officially timed marathon and complete it under 3 hours without the use of stimulants […]

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