SPLASH, FL — Unimpressed with the available singles at church, local Adventist Hannah has taken up missionary dating and suddenly every single unbeliever in town is eager to learn more about her faith.

“Hannah invites someone to vespers, and next thing you know half the town is asking about the Sabbath,” said one church elder, still trying to process the influx of new faces at Friday night vespers. “We’re seeing more visitors than ever, and they all seem to want Bible studies from Hannah.”

Not everyone is thrilled. Church deacons are quietly fretting about “unequally yoked” relationships, while secretly hoping Hannah’s next date will at least stick around for potluck.

Some members are worried that Hannah’s approach might lead to more confusion than conversions. “It’s the classic ‘flirt to convert’ scenario,” said one longtime member, referencing the age-old tactic of using a little charm to win both hearts and souls.

Hannah, for her part, remains unfazed. “Who says evangelism has to be boring?” she asks. “I’m all about bringing a hot guy to church if he’ll pay for dinner first.”

This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.

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