BATTLE CREEK, Michigan — An Adventist husband, who declined to be named, expressed disappointment that describing his wife’s teeth as “a flock of shorn sheep” and her breasts as “two baby deer,” while calling her endearing terms such as “my sister, my bride,” did not result in the action he was hoping for on a quiet Friday evening.

“I had hoped she would respond by telling me to come to her garden and eat her choicest fruits,” he stated with a chagrined look, “but instead of the passionate kisses I was hoping for, she told me it was my turn to do the dishes and that I should sleep on the couch that evening.”

He ended by recommending that other Adventist spouses exercise discernment in which passages of scripture should be quoted to their spouses after a romantic date night of haystacks and Bible study.

Special thanks to Melinda Wong for the story submission